My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
