So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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