roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
