i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
