i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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