kristin has been a bad kristin
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
