That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
