i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
