Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
