i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
