Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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