just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
