so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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