I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
