he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
