Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
