a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
