we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
