I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
