Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
