do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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