a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
nutella sex= disaster
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
