I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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