The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
