Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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