i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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