I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
