I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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