If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
