hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
nutella sex= disaster
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
