I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
