What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
