theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
