my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
