38 yer olds are good kisserssss
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
