i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
