I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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