best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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