omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
one might say we're banned from that church
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
50% drunk capacity currently
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
