you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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