Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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