Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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