Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
