I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
