Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
