All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I party with great urgency now.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
