I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
