This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
