I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
