I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
