I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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